The subject of sex is one of the most talked about in our society. It might feel strange to talk about this in church but God, as the author of sex, has much to say about it. And He is for a healthy and wonderful sex life.
The wisdom we find in Proverbs 5 shows us how we can enjoy good sex and avoid bad sex. The Lord has set boundaries in the area of sex for our benefit.
A fire in a fireplace is useful and helpful because it is contained but if it breaks out beyond this to burn down the house, it brings destruction.
Wisdom is the art of living well under God’s direction as the one who loves us and cares for us. His wisdom also will direct us regarding sex.
This is part 1 of 3 of the concentrated teaching in Proverbs regarding sex. Parts 2 and 3 will be covered in the next 2-3 weeks.
As we explore Proverbs 5, we will understand these principles:
Wisdom and sexual temptation
Instant replay - being forewarned
Maximizing sexual satisfaction
Unavoidable realities
Wisdom and sexual temptation
My son, pay attention to my wisdom, turn your ear to my words of insight, 2 that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge.
3 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; 4 but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. 6 She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it (Proverb 5:1-6, NIV).
The writer of Proverbs encourages us right off to pay close attention to wisdom so we can put it into practice.
Sexual desire is very powerful and unless we are wise, we will fall. Proverbs does not deny this power of sexual desire and we should not try to convince ourselves otherwise.
The way to resist sexual temptation is to see it for what it really is. On the surface it is sweet as honey but really it becomes bitter as poison.
It seems so smooth and easy but really it is sharp and dangerous as a double-edged sword. God pulls off the mask of the temptation to show the substance.
“The reality is that giving in to sexual temptation will result in certain destruction.”
All sorts of studies show the tremendous harm of sex before marriage, affairs in marriage, and pornography.
Temptation also will never pause and limit itself. It will keep pushing for more. Only you can stop it.
Instant Replay - Being Forewarned
7 Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. 8 Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, 9 lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel, 10 lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another.
11 At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. 12 You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! 13 I would not obey my teachers or turn my ear to my instructors. 14 And I was soon in serious trouble in the assembly of God’s people.” (Proverb 5:7-14)
Probably everyone of us would like to go back and do or undo something from our past. Solomon gives us this opportunity by showing us what would happen if we go down the road of bad sex.
He warns us to stay on wisdom’s path and never stray. We have no margin for error. We are not to go near the door of sexual immorality, either physically or virtually. We will eventually fall if we do.
Wise parents keep their children far away from danger and we should be that diligent with ourselves.
The results of falling to temptation are far-reaching.
the loss of honor and reputation
losing all we have achieved
losing these things to people who don’t care about us
we will groan in anguish
we will have massive regret since we did not pay attention and take heed.
Solomon though brings us back to now. We have not gone down this path so by being forewarned, we can better resist bad sexual practices.
We have all failed and fallen to sexual temptation in our lives. But the Lord says if we fear Him and turn away from evil, it will be healing and refreshing (Proverbs 3:7-8).
“He forgives and restores and abundantly pardons.”
If we have any current area of failing, this encourages us to stop now.
Maximizing Sexual Satisfaction
15 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. 20 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? (Proverb 5:15-20)
In addressing marrieds or soon-to-be marrieds, we should expect our good God to want us to enjoy sex to the full in our marriages.
The Lord gives two principles, really commands, to maximize sex in marriage.
First, we are to reserve sex for our spouse alone. Unique, special gifts given only to one person highlight our value of them and sex is no different.
Part of a marriage vow goes like this: forsaking all others and keeping myself only for the other as long as I shall live. Genesis 2 shows that Adam and Eve became one and it was just the two of them. This is God’s design.
Sex reflects the whole marriage relationship so this treating of one another as special and unique should apply in all areas of the marriage relationship.
For instance, guys, romance your wife, not just for sex, but to show her that she is the one and only for you.
Second, as a commentator said, “God’s way of satisfying our thirst for sex is not to deny this but to provide it abundantly.”
The Lord uses strong words in stoking our desire for our spouse - fountain, rejoicing, admiring, desiring, being captivated or drunk with love and pleasure.
Why command these desires?
“Because the most important sex organ we have is our minds.”
We need to appreciate and be fully enthralled with our spouses and allow this and not be critical or unthankful or self-seeking, which kill sexual pleasure.
Again, as sex is part of the whole marriage, we should have these elements of delighting in and serving one another in all phases of our married lives.
Since this is what sex in marriage is to be, why would we seek sex outside of our spouse? There is no need, reason, or wisdom here. Why go out for moldy bread when you have a feast at home?
Unavoidable Realities
21 For your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths. 22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast.
23 For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly (Proverb 5:21-23).
In making decisions, we need to factor in those elements that are unavoidable. God’s word gives us three realities as He calls us to decide to have good sex and not bad.
The Lord sees - no thought or image escapes Him. There are no secrets and cheating with Him. This can practically work out by granting access to all we do and see to our spouses and/or our close friends.
Sin impressions - we are tied up and held by our own sins. This is a powerful thought to counter the temptation that we can get away with sexual immorality.
Lack of control kills and destroys - the consequences of failing are so serious. We cannot escape.
We need to decide wisely but how? Especially when I know myself and my weaknesses.
The Lord gives us the answer and it is Himself.
“Sex is a pointer to a greater fulfilment in our intimate relationship with the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:32 stresses that marriage on earth pictures the closeness, love, giving and delight that the Lord has for His Church. This is where both marrieds and singles who have trusted Christ and received Him are heading and this will be fulfilled fully when we are present with the Lord.
Singles now can have an undistracted relationship with the Lord (1 Corinthians 7). Marriage points to the Lord’s relationship with us. So, together, both singles and marrieds, show and honor the Lord in their unique ways and both are necessary to fully reflect the Lord.
The Lord provides direction, strength and a wonderful future for us as His Bride (Revelation 22:16-17).
16 “I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.”
17 The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let the one who hears say, “Come!” Let the one who is thirsty come; and let the one who wishes take the free gift of the water of life (Revelation 22:16-17).
This verse about the Church as Christ’s bride is the last appeal in the last book of the Bible.
This is our hope and source of strength regarding sex to enjoy it fully as God intends and to resist falling for the corrupt imitations.
