What do you think qualifies a person to be a friend? How can we be wise when it comes to choosing our friends? How can we build lasting and fulfilling friendships? God gives us insight about the qualities of true friendship in the Bible and especially in the book of Proverbs.
Let’s look at practical wisdom concerning friendship.
The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, but there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother. A faithful friend who can find? (Proverbs 18:24 AMP)
We need God’s wisdom for:
Finding Friends
Forging Friendships
Being a True Friend
1. Finding Friends
The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray (Proverbs 12:26, NKJV).
The original Hebrew is translated this way:
The righteous searches out (meaning he makes a careful, diligent, and penetrating examination in order to find) a close friend that He can confide in (Proverbs 12:26).
What does the Bible say we should look for in a friend?
As we read Proverbs 18:24, we are to look for true, reliable, and loving friends.
Are they loyal and do they have godly values? Can you confide in them or do they speak behind your back and say negative things to you about others?
Proverbs strongly encourages the reader to pursue wisdom and choose friends among the wise (Proverbs 12:26; 13:20; 22:24; 28:7; 29:3).
We all long for friends we know will be there for us when times get tough or when we face a crisis in life. We need friends who are honest, faithful, have integrity, people we can trust. People who will tell it like it is and who give us wise advice.
We long for these types of friendship and should learn to be this type of friend to others. The point is, you really won’t know a person’s character when it comes to friendship or even your own until you both face adverse situations together. This is where friendships are tested.
2. Forging Friendships
What are some of the characteristics necessary for forging solid lasting friendships?
Faithfulness
A real friend doesn’t just talk about his or her own goodness or loyalty as a friend, he or she is proven to be faithful and trustworthy (Proverbs 27:10, 20:6).
It doesn’t matter to this type of person what kind of status, possessions, or influence you have - in success or failure, they will not abandon you (Proverbs 19:7). Why?
Because they aren’t in the friendship for what they can get out of it but on what they can give.
Forgiveness
A loyal and loving friend will cover a multitude of sins (Proverbs 17:9).
They are not denying that their friend did wrong, they call sin, sin. But they see the wrongdoer as a friend to be won, not as an enemy with whom to get even (Proverbs 1:22). Rather than expose your faults and bring up your sins to get revenge, this friend conceals (or draws a veil over) all or all kinds of transgressions to bring peace.
They are willing to endure so many wrongs against themselves with the hope that one day their friend will see their sins, turn and be reconciled back to God.
Good advice
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (Proverbs 27:9, NASB).
Do we seek out friends who we know will counsel us to do what is right even when it is not comfortable or convenient?
Honesty
An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship (Proverbs 24:26).
A person who gives an honest answer is one who answers the question of the inquirer and doesn’t avoid it. He or she doesn’t give vague, devious, or distorted answers.
Love
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17).
The love of a true friend is constant, they love you even when your friendship is severely tested.
Their love is sacrificial. No matter what, they are committed to you because they love you and care about you.
Loyalty
This friend stays closer than a brother - closer than any family member (Proverbs 18:4).
He or she is the one who remains true to God and to you in times of mishap or when you suffer some type of loss.
Respectful confrontation
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend (Proverbs 27:17, NLT).
Just like iron sharpening iron creates a lot of friction, so can even respectful confrontation from a true friend create friction.
Better is an open reprimand [of loving correction] Than love that is hidden. Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his hidden agenda] (Proverbs 27:5-6).
True friends will tell you what you need to hear, while fair-weather friends tell you what you want to hear.
Being a True Friend
We see that this caliber of friendship that is always faithful, loyal, loving, honest, unselfish, and that is committed to my wellbeing no matter what the cost, points to only one Person.
The only One who was willing to endure incredible wrongs against Himself with the hope of reconciling others back to God was Jesus.
How can I be a friend to others? By walking with and learning from Christ, the example of selfless humility, God-incarnate who called us His friends. But how do we know we are His friend? He said, you are my friend if you do what I command. What is his command?
““To love each other the way I have loved you.””
If we truly love God and others, we will be faithful, honest, forgiving and loyal friends.
Paul described this type of selflessness and loyalty in his letter to the Philippian church and wrote,
Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had (Philippians 2:2-5, NLT).
Jesus gave himself for me. His desire is that I would live as He called me to live through the power of His Spirit.
“When we spend time with Jesus, we become more like Him.”
When we take on His attitude in our friendships then our friendships will truly be fulfilling.
